|“||Do you know who I am? I'm Simple god damn daddy Flips.||”|
— SimpleFlips, 2018 [WHAT AM I DOING???]
His real name, according to his PayPal and LinkedIn, is Eddie Cruz. But knowing him and his shenanigans, it's probably a fake to give a false lead to his children. He has also stated on one occasion that his name, for real, is Aveire. [source?]
SimpleFlips was once an ordinary gamer. He was sentenced to 4 years in prison for an unknown but serious crime. In exchange for valuable information, he was given a Nintendo 64 system with Super Mario 64 in his cell. Since he didn't have anything else to do, he spent every waking moment playing the game and mastering its many intricacies. He had heard of speedrunning before but had no reference materials while in prison; all the skills and strategies he developed were thanks to his incredibly high IQ. After he was released from prison, his criminal record prevented him from getting a regular job, so he became a Twitch streamer instead. He now sustains himself by his thousands of children donating to him to have their terrible 1 2 Oatmeal remixes and screaming videos play during his streams.
He's always able to just conjure up 2 hours of free time to do dumb shit to get a star in an unintended way; however, he still can't find time to come home to his supposed children. Despite his neglectful nature, the "children" still have faith that he will BLJ back into their lives and become the great father they know he can be.
Although he is generally disliked within the speedrunning community, it is unclear why, even to the speedrunners themselves.
- Bomb clip (1 every 100 times)
- Achieving everything on the first try, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeediot
- Changing his IQ at will, it ranges from 200 to 2 octillion. In addition, he can use his special IQ glasses to increase his IQ into IIIQ (such a large number that the universe fails to display it properly).
- Summoning thousands of his dozens of twitch bots
- Having no regrets when he abandoned us
- Smelling like a wet dog
- Hearing music through his mouth
- Being able to kill his dad
- Controlling SimpleFlips
- Timeout, ban and/or mod people on twitch.
- Taking the moon
- Being a friend
- Imprisoning homosexual infants
- getting stuck in the prisons he used on gay babies
- Doing the God BLJ
- IRL BLJ
- Downing some oats in approximately 41 seconds.
- Has cum that can move mountains
- Eating an entire Pringles can
- Can hold four pigeons at a time without using cages
- Can deprive Piplup Guy of his GBJs for long periods of time.
- There is no shoe he can't buckle!
- He's sick. (Likely with ligma)
- Demolishing idiots in Tetris
- Is most definitely not an undercover cop. At all.
- Can obtain an infinite amount of shoutouts
- Can possibly count up to -3 starting at 0
- He is always frame perfect at whatever he does
- All Speedrunners HATE HIM
- Can flex his dick
- No Rotating.
- Horse Cock.
- Gay Baby Jail.
- Evil Penguins.
- Rotating planet made of very evil penguins.
- The Green Demon.
- Hidden Teleports.
- The Candy Shop.
- Ram Ranch.
- Unsuspicious 1-ups that in reality, kill you.
- Invisible walls.
- Bad camera.
- He's sick.
- 100 Ways to Love a Cat
- 1-2 Oatmeal
- The penny.
- Tub calls him colorblind every day.
- His grandma CANNOT and HAS NEVER boogied.
- Foxen explaining things that he CLEARLY already understands.
- IRL GBJ
- Lost to Celletix in chess.
- Not looking where the star spawns
- Pick a dick
- He BLJ'd the Thwomp's cock for the second time in roughly 4 minutes, with his first time through taking near two hours.
- Caught a SimpleFlips stream.
- Fucked Fred.
- Helped a Bob-omb get a raise and take over the company the Bob-omb was working at.
- Had a better idea.
- Has visited Gay Cowboy Jail.
- Moved multiple mountains with his cum.
- Shrunk Foxen (roughly the size of the explorer guy from Tetris-Plus) and hid him in his hair.
- Clickbaiting; in his video from March 12th, 2019, titled Clickbait is GREAT, he created his first clickbait thumbnail
- Was rewarded for being a skilled player.
- Made a BIG DISCOVERY DUDE.
- Fell asleep live on stream
- Beat Celletix in chess, for free, while sucking his own balls
- He discovered perpetual motion
- "I soft-locked into this dude's soft cock, dude!"
- "This attempt. If it's not this attempt... my grandma never boogied."
- "Introducing the new... Green Mario Assist Twirly Boy™!"
- "Oh, it's a muncher- AAAAAHHHHHHH"
- "This game is the fucking craziest ROM Hack, I have ever played."
- "I will suck... Forty-five dicks in a row, before I push that box."
- "It ain't over, 'til..."
- "How does the "T" even get down that far? I'm glad you asked that. Welp, that's all the time we have. I gotta get back to suckin' dick on my Nintendo Switch."
- "That was fucking... It was fucking, it was pretty intense."
- "I'm fuckin' dead... I'm fuckin' Fred!"
- "We got money Foxen, can ya believe it? AAAHHHH!"
- "I forward side-flip in the face of danger, what of it?"
- "Oh, I'm poppin' off."
- "First try, idiot!"
- "Peach, you still look FUCKED."
- "Yeah, he doesn't hesitate to make more Matzo when the opportunity comes up"
- "I know- I know I like to go fast, and look impressive, but there are Four fucking signs in this room, I interrupted a goddamn sign party"
- "Brush your teeth bitch!" -SimpleFlips' well-known catchphrase
- "I've got a better idea... How about doing anything but that?"
- "Dude, I suck... C O C K."
- "I didn't expect anything to be within my realm for this game."
- "ONE ROBUX, LMAO SUCK MY FUCKING DICK MORON YOU'RE GONNA NEED YOUR WALLET TO BEAT THIS GAME [UNINTELLIGIBLE] GONNA NEED TO BE ROLLIN' IN THE FUCKIN' DOUGH THIS TIME YOU SACK A' SHIT"
- "I fucked"
- "Rock buddy. Cock buddy."
- "I'd never give up an opportunity to drink my own piss, especially on camera."
- "Punch my head bitch!"
- "All I had to was give up all hope. And then, I did it."
- "How the fuck am I supposed to get over there OOOOOOOOOOOO???"
- "MY PUSSSSYYYYYY!!"
- "You know, it's actually a good thing that I'm blind because I got to see two easter eggs that I wouldn't have seen."
Illegal activities Edit
Twitch bots Edit
It was revealed in the song: "The Truth" that SimpleFlips is the biggest view-botter on twitch.tv. This information was revealed thanks to a harsh cross-examination done by Foxen, when he talked about the bots in question. Even though the scale of Simps' crimes are enormous, no one has ever caught on, not once, not twelve times, and not even a dozen times. He then proceeded to bully Foxen by calling him: "moron, idiot, Foxen, idiot, moron, dumbass, idiot". This amount of humillation was unheard of in the whole history of humanity, henceforth Foxen couldn't take it anymore and started crying. SimpleFlips took this opportunity and run away to his bunker where he continues streaming shitty Super Mario 64 hacks.
Unknown Criminal Activities Edit
From recent video evidence in his video "I Had To BLJ Out Of Bounds To Get The Red Coin" at 5:13, we learn before Simpleflips was a Super Mario 64 god, he has apparently committed a crime, and got locked up for four years. He "Gave some valuable information" so he was apparently allowed to have a TV and a N64 with Super Mario 64. according to him, there wasn't really much else to do, and he had heard of speedrunning before he got locked up, but had no access to any of the common strats, but he was able to get good at the game itself. We have no access to what he did, because if we did, he wound get locked right back up, but we do know that he would never be able to get a job ever again. We do know simple had friends in jail, who were T-Bone, a middle aged man with blonde dreadlocks, Cuts, a small child with a Beanie, and Slapper, a man with extremely large hands. He was also fucked in the shower after intentionally dropping the soap to make a point.
Eddie "SimpleFlips" Cruz' date of birth is unknown to everyone, even to himself. However, it has been theorized to be sometime between the dawn of time and 120 A.T meal. He grew up in a hating family; his father someday went into the store to buy some cigarettes (other historians claim that he was actually going to buy milk), although his father recently returned from jail in disguise as his mother on April 1st 2019. Left alone, Simp's mother started searching a new dad for a young SimpleFlips. Consequentially, a lot of males came into their house, men who Simple only saw from behind; however, that vague image morphed inside his head until it became what he envisioned to be a father figure. It is believed that, in this period of time the events of "Dad" and "Dad 2" happen, in which the abuse from his multiple dads is clearly shown. Not one of his alleged fathers ever remembered to bring their receipt home from when they went out to buy a bottle of water and/or smokes, causing Simple to go even further down a tunnel of confusion and anguish.
The adolescence of our dad is one of the greatest mysteries of our times. Not much is known about this tragic time. However, from what historians have gathered, it is highly likely that during this dark age, he got his Mario 64 godly powers and his passion for streaming on twitch.tv, Although one of SimpleFlips' recent videos, "I Had To BLJ Out Of Bounds To Get The Red Coin" at 5:13, SimpleFlips' was locked up and was given only a Nintendo 64 with a copy of Super Mario 64. He had no access to strats, but mastered the engine the game ran on. He is very straight!