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Do you know who I am? I'm Simple god damn daddy Flips.
 
— SimpleFlips, 2018 [WHAT AM I DOING???]

Shoutouts to SimpleFlips. He spent three hours IRL BLJing his way into speedrunning infamy, inspired his abandoned children to start a fan wiki, then fell asleep on his first try. Great entertainer he is!

His real name[8] is Eddie Cruz. But knowing him and his shenanigans, this could be a fake to give a false lead to his children. He has also stated on one occasion that his name, for real, is Aveire. Foxen has implied that his name is in fact Eddie/Ed in this video by stating "Your name is not Ed Ed" when Simple was making a joke that his middle name is Edgar Allen Speed.

SimpleFlips was once an ordinary gamer. He was sentenced to four years in prison for an unknown but serious crime. In exchange for valuable information, he was given a Nintendo 64 system with Super Mario 64 in his cell. Since he didn't have anything else to do, he spent every waking moment playing the game and mastering its many intricacies. He had heard of speedrunning before but had no reference materials while in prison; all the skills and strategies he developed were thanks to his incredibly high IQ. After he was released from prison, his criminal record prevented him from getting a regular job, so he became a Twitch streamer instead. He now sustains himself by his thousands of children donating to him to have their terrible 1, 2 Oatmeal remixes and screaming videos play during his streams.

He's always able to just conjure up 2 hours of free time to do dumb shit to get a star in an unintended way; however, he still can't find time to come home to his supposed children. Despite his neglectful nature, the "children" still have faith that he will BLJ back into their lives and become the great father they know he can be.

Although he is generally disliked within the speedrunning community, it is unclear why, even to the speedrunners themselves.

He is guided through life by the Cunk Cost Fallacky, which states that if he attempts a trick three times, he is then obligated to keep trying until he completes it instead of just doing it the intended way.

He does not have a driving license because he is a fucking moron.

His favorite type of cheese is (potentially) "Cheese" as stated here. This is not known for certain as in the same clip his colleague Markass stated that his favorite cheese was "Gouda".

He's orange juice[4].

Abilities[]

  1. BLJ
  2. Bomb Clip (1 every 100 times)
  3. Achieving everything on the first try, idiot (except bomb clip)
  4. Changing his IQ at will. It ranges from 200 to 2 octillion. In addition, he can use his special IQ glasses to increase his IQ into IIIQ (such a large number that the universe fails to display it properly).
  5. Summoning thousands of his dozens of Twitch bots
  6. Having no regrets when he abandoned us
  7. Smelling like a wet dog
  8. Hearing music through his mouth
  9. Being able to kill his dad
  10. Controlling SimpleFlips
  11. Timeout, ban and/or mod people on Twitch
  12. Taking the moon
  13. Imprisoning homosexual infants (also known as Gay Baby Jail/GBJ)
  14. getting stuck in the prisons he used on gay babies
  15. Doing the God BLJ
  16. Ass-Blast Surpass
  17. Botany (as proven by his ability to be consumed by the ravenous mulch)
  18. Lying about being dead
  19. Able to predict a song becoming oatmeal
  20. Master at wall jumps
  21. Pressing keys on his keyboard
  22. Can KO 37 grandmas at once with his bare foots
  23. Manipulate space and time (unconfirmed)
  24. Can suck grandpa's balls
  25. Being awesome (as confirmed)
  26. Exit Course Button
  27. Cheesing SHITTY #DGR Puzzle Levels
  28. Sunday special splash
  29. Can summon angry gods
  30. Can enter the Schmoove Zone once per video. This restriction is known as the Schmoove Limiter and prevents the ability from being unfair. However, he may enter the Schmoove Zone twice if he has previously explained the Schmoove Zone in said video. This is known as the Awareness Bonus.
  31. IRL Bomb clip
  32. Can call for help in Tetris via Jelly Dot
  33. Can sense whenever anyone is getting oatmealed
  34. Ability to identify bonus/bonus rooms, before seeing any bonus (50 coin coins, 1-up, etc). This is a passive ability (3 stamina) that is known as the Bonus Deception Potential. When bonus is successfully identified, bonus may be successfully collected (4 mana) and your turn ends. This card is then shuffled into your deck, however if drawn again immediately after using this card (only on the second turn after) then Bonus Deception Potential allows for Simple to exit the bonus area.
  35. Can enter Schmoove Mode (Not to be confused with the Schmoove Zone.) This allows him to stack his T-spins uber efficiently. He is fucking crazy.
  36. Can and has traveled to the past on multiple occasions (this is all the information on this matter we have currently been able to identify from Simple "dad" flips)
  37. Can erect a "ligma shield"
  38. Can take a capture, proceeded by then saying "Capture taken"
  39. Can do push-ups with his dicks (Yes he has more than one).[9]
  40. Can use his left-handedness as an aimbot

Weaknesses[]

  1. Lying about being dead.
  2. No Rotating.
  3. Horse Cock
  4. Quicksand
  5. Gay Baby Jail
  6. Homosexuality
  7. Penguins
  8. Evil Penguins
  9. Rotating planet made of very evil penguins
  10. 1, 2 Oatmeal
  11. The Penny
  12. Tub calls him colorblind every day.
  13. His grandma CANNOT and HAS NEVER boogied.
  14. Foxen explaining things that he CLEARLY already understands
  15. IRL GBJ
  16. Lost to Cilletix in chess
  17. Not looking where the star spawns
  18. His balls being chugged
  19. T-spins
  20. Unable to complete Bowser's Dog Dick: Revenge
  21. Unable to properly say "Bob-Omb", saying "Bomb-Omb" instead. Might be on purpose, as it annoys Kaze.
  22. Walkies Super Ball Levels (all of them)
  23. Doesn't wanna Ground Pound
  24. Forgetting the fact he can run while with Foxen
  25. Croc 2 30 babies
  26. Misspells "roll" as "role"
  27. Oblivious to jicama sticks
  28. Doesn't know where strait babies go
  29. Sometimes has a hard time keeping grandpa in Tetris Plus from dying.
  30. He can?
  31. Clouds (very sus)
  32. Greed
  33. Hubes
  34. Is unaware of what a "sandwich" is

Accomplishments[]

  1. He BLJ'd the Thwomp's cock for the second time in roughly 4 minutes, with his first time through taking near two hours.
  2. Caught a SimpleFlips stream
  3. Fucked Fred
  4. Helped a Bob-omb get a raise and take over the company the Bob-omb was working at
  5. Had a better idea
  6. He is responsible for discovering many hidden areas in Super Mario 64, most of which contain the mysterious text "SUBSCRIBE"
  7. He found a hidden path down there in Super Mario Maker 2, go check it out.
  8. Has gotten money before. Can you believe it Foxen? :)
  9. Is such a god at BLJ he invented it again in "TOWER BALL", Dreams: Causing $107,590,001 dollars in property damage
  10. Once made a homeless woman cry by spitting dust into her mouth
  11. Performed Lakitu Skip successfully with a Guitar Hero controller
  12. Has been to Ram Ranch over 327 times
  13. Won a game of Tetris 99 without hard/soft dropping
  14. Made Luigi run away
  15. Exits course while BLJing
  16. Previous title-holder of the Ball Sucking Championship
  17. Is a V-Tuber he just only has the neck modeled thus far. It is still unknown if he has finished this model.
  18. Has reached S rank without running once in Super Mario Maker 2
  19. He actually made this game.
  20. He laid a rooster.

Quotes[]

  • "Yeah, he doesn't hesitate to make more Matzo when the opportunity comes up"
  • "I know- I know I like to go fast, and look impressive, but there are Four fucking signs in this room, I interrupted a goddamn sign party"
  • "Brush your teeth bitch!" -SimpleFlips' well-known catchphrase
  • "I've got a better idea... How about doing anything but that?"
  • "Dude, I suck... C O C K."
  • "I didn't expect anything to be within my realm for this game."
  • "ONE ROBUX, LMAO SUCK MY FUCKING DICK MORON YOU'RE GONNA NEED YOUR WALLET TO BEAT THIS GAME [UNINTELLIGIBLE] GONNA NEED TO BE ROLLIN' IN THE FUCKIN' DOUGH THIS TIME YOU SACK A' SHIT"
  • "I fucked"
  • "Rock buddy. Cock buddy."
  • "I'd never give up an opportunity to drink my own piss, especially on camera."
  • "Punch my head bitch!"[10]
  • "All I h
  • "You can never be too sus." (his motto)[11]
  • "I have never lost before" - man, who has lost before
  • "You can- gay bah-by! you can-ga-bah-b-..fuckin'."
  • "How do I know? Because I am a fucking genius, I discovered a clam in Tampa that would blow your balls clean off."
  • "...TWOOOO"
  • "He's gonna show up!"
  • "There is no consequence. You will be banned."
  • "BOOM BOOM WITH A MUNCHER!!!... duuuUUUDDEEee!!!"
  • "Ya love a vertical level." -BlurryFlips
  • "I'm a little baby." -BlurryFlips
  • "Did ya see me?" -BlurryFlips
  • "Did you know four hit different? . . . ᶠᵒᵘʳ"
  • "I would never show up wearing nerd goggles, dude." -Man Wearing Tinted Glasses Right Now
  • "What do I do, this level sucks c... COCK"
  • "PA-PA-PA-PAPA JOHNS DUDE!"
  • "Wow" -Literal Genius.
  • "I'm piss, that was a piss moment dude."
  • "AHHH MY ASS" -SimpleFlips 2021
  • "I'm Simple Big Dick Small Dick Big Dick Flips"
  • "NO, MY PUSSYYYYY!!!!"
  • "Don't make a mountain out of a molemilk. That's what I've always said."[12]
  • "My cum can move mountains, dude, and has. You don't know anything about my cum, but it can move mountains. It just move mountains. That's all it does. That's the full list of perks, but it still does it."[13]
  • "I poop the same way any man with one or two cheeks would, which is one leg at a time."[14]
  • "Art is only as valuable as someone... is willing to value it as... at the amount."[15]
  • "Oh my ghredh I was thinking about how Yoshi would be fuckin' be so cool as like in real life"[16]
  • "It's look who it is"
  • "Mark, that's bonus"
  • "Fold your laundry, bucko." (This catchphrase is still in beta testing.)[17]
  • "I'll be done doin' before I'm done redoin"
  • "That's a liquid consisting of a flavor… That's what a soup is."
  • "If I just tell myself to only stare at Toadette's feet, I do see much greater success."[18]
  • "Throw that barrel out!"[19][20]
  • "What, this is an underwater level- underwater ghost CAVE level? You can't use that many themes at once."
  • "What the fuck, dude, are you kidding me? A goddamn ALIEN lifeform came out of the sky and landed on my head."
  • "You are the baby."
  • "Brush your teeth, bitch!"
  • "Slimpleflips? I'm not falling for that one, Ligma Shield."
  • "Gimme that!"
  • "Cool Idea!"
  • "Anything can happen in a roll hack"
  • "Ooh, I'm not supposed to have a yoshi on this level. I might use it though, he might come in Captain Crunch...clutch I mean."
  • "Every...thing in the world, came together to put their balls on my forehead. Ball forehead reunion."

Illegal activities[]

Twitch bots[]

It was revealed in the song: "The Truth" that SimpleFlips is the biggest view-botter on twitch.tv. This information was revealed thanks to a harsh cross-examination done by Foxen, when he talked about the bots in question. Even though the scale of Simps' crimes are enormous, no one has ever caught on, not once, not twelve times, and not even a dozen times. He then proceeded to bully Foxen by calling him: "moron, idiot, Foxen, idiot, moron, dumbass, idiot". This amount of humiliation was unheard of in the whole history of humanity, henceforth Foxen couldn't take it anymore and started crying. SimpleFlips took this opportunity, and ran away to his bunker where he continues streaming shitty Super Mario 64 ROM hacks.

Unknown criminal activities[]

As evidenced by his video "I Had To BLJ Out Of Bounds To Get The Red Coin" at 5:13, we learn that before SimpleFlips was a Super Mario 64 god, he has apparently committed a crime, and got locked up for four years. He "Gave some valuable information" so he was apparently allowed to have a TV and an N64 with Super Mario 64. according to him, there wasn't really much else to do, and he had heard of speedrunning before he got locked up, but had no access to any of the common strats, but he was able to get good at the game itself. We have no access to what he did, because if we did, he would get locked right back up, but we do know that he would never be able to get a job ever again. We do know Simple had friends in jail, who were T-Bone, a middle-aged man with blonde dreadlocks, Cuts, a small child with a Beanie, and Slapper, a man with extremely large hands. He was also fucked in the shower after intentionally dropping the soap to make a point.

Criminal record[]

He has indeed illegally sucked cock on various occasions and has killed his friends many times, as well as calling them the supposed term "Dickhead" while doing so. And upon these incidents, he has been been charged with First-Degree murder, Verbal abuse, and Assisted suicide. As seen in the 200K Subs Special video, despite the defendant pleading innocent, the verdict was guilty and the punishment was GBJ. It is not clearly stated how long he will remain there, but we can infer, it will be quite the lengthy amount of time... if it were not for the exit course button. Which is against the law to escape prison like that before your sentence is served. He did not serve his GBJ sentence before leaving so he is now constantly on the run from police. Studies have indeed shown that he has never stayed in one recording location for more than a month. Although it appears that his recording and streaming location is always the same, this is only partially true. The background may look the same but authorities have confirmed that he is rolling around various interstate highways using a house with 24 25 wheels. (Not 24 as previously thought a 25th wheel was spotted late last summer). The current punishment as of 6/13/20 is 130 years in Homosexual Toddler Penitentiary with no chance of parole, and bailout costs are not an option either.

Cheating[]

SimpleFlips has committed many a crime during his fierce pilgrimage through godawful Mario 64 ROM hacks. However, none of which have been as disgraceful or as vile than his preferred form of cheating known as Pause Buffering. Previously only available using Gamesharks bought only on the Black Market (often bundled with the Variety Pack Of Dicks, which has been discontinued by Costco due to a product recall involving the presence of Chubby Dicks in the palette, deemed "unhealthy" by connoisseurs of dick such as Javier & Foxen), Mr. Flips has been recorded to use dark rituals to utilize Pause Buffering without the use of a transmutation Gameshark, becoming an extremely dangerous and powerful individual. Please do not trust Flips with any important activity, such as not throwing a Walkies game, just getting the star, or thinking he's not lying. He is very likely to commit untrustworthy activities due to his extensive history of cheating.

Biography[]

Infancy[]

Eddie "SimpleFlips" Cruz' date of birth is unknown to everyone, even to himself. However, it has been theorized to be sometime between the dawn of time and 120 A.T meal. He grew up in a hating family; his father someday went into the store to buy some cigarettes (other historians claim that he was actually going to buy milk), although his father eventually returned from jail in disguise as his mother on April 1st, 2019. Left alone, Simp's mother started searching a new dad for a young SimpleFlips. Consequentially, a lot of males came into their house, men who Simple only saw from behind; however, that vague image morphed inside his head until it became what he envisioned to be a father figure. It is believed that, in this period of time the events of "Dad" and "Dad 2" happen, in which the abuse from his multiple dads is clearly shown. Not one of his alleged fathers ever remembered to bring their receipt home from when they went out to buy a bottle of water and/or smokes, causing Simple to go even further down a tunnel of confusion and anguish.

Adolescence[]

The adolescence of our dad is one of the greatest mysteries of our times. Not much is known about this tragic time. However, from what historians have gathered, it is highly likely that during this dark age, he got his Mario 64 godly powers and his passion for streaming on twitch.tv, Although one of SimpleFlips' videos, "I Had To BLJ Out Of Bounds To Get The Red Coin" at 5:13, SimpleFlips' was locked up and was given only a Nintendo 64 with a copy of Super Mario 64. He had no access to strats, but mastered the engine the game ran on.

Mysteries[]

The pussy magnet known as Simple J. Flips is such mysterious figure that we asked the top 50 beings with the highest IQ and we couldn't find anything about his past. However, this might be due to the fact that 49 out of those 50 were SimpleFlips with wacky outfits. The remaining IQist was a dog with cool shades.

His children[]

One of the main mysteries surrounding Javier is how did he have so many fucking children. This contradicts numerous evidence that points out he is gay, which has also been confirmed by SimpleFlips himself many times.

An interesting proposal is that Simple has been dead for a while. It is said that he died while he was in jail, surrounded by his best friends: T-Bone, Slapper and Cuts. Because nobody bothered to bury his body, the ugli person decided to cut off his head and steal Simple's. After that, he became a streamer, because he only has to show his face and not his entire body.

SimpleFlips is known to routinely deny being the father of his many children. Although the true reason is unknown, it is rumored that this constant denial is due to his gambling addiction[21] where he supposedly bet his children[22] in order to obtain 1-ups. Research claims he lost this bet and with it lost the custody of his many children.

See also[]

References[]

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